tikkitavi:

I’ve been in Guayaquil, Ecuador with my grandparents since 7/21 and they wanna keep me here till 9/28. I wanna go home but I can’t afford a plane ticket. 

I came here under false pretenses – my mother straight up lied. she said that her parents were ‘traveled’, ‘spiritual’, ‘laid-back’, people who sleep in and go to some new café every day.

I believed her. I hadn’t seen my grandparents in 7 years but my grandmother and I talked sometimes. we emailed more often and she seemed like a trendy, sporty, grandma. she was nice enough to me.

more than nice, she was supportive. she and my grandfather paid for my passport and my tickets here. both of them – the bus ticket to the airport and the ticket to fly. she even paid my carry-on fee.

my grandparents aren’t ‘spiritual’, they’re Catholic. they’re not ‘laid-back’, they’re strict. a literal 10-minute cold shower, every other day. breakfast at 8:30 am. no phone, no laptop. (not that I have data here in the first place) I’m not allowed to wear:

1. skirts
2. shorts
3. dresses
4. overalls
5. halter tops
6. tank tops
7. sneakers
8. ripped anything

when I do wear these things, I’m breaking an unspoken rule. I’m allowed to wear slacks and blouses. jeans and a t-shirt maybe but I’ve been wearing my grandmother’s clothes mostly. do I need to mention how hot it is here? the AC is banned. so’s the ceiling fans.

my grandparents aren’t ‘trendy’ or ‘sporty’ either. they’re obsessed with what they call health. I’ve taken 3 different medications, a powder, and 2 pills. the second pill is an iron-supplement – I don’t really know what the other one was, I can’t read Spanish.

I cannot absolutely can’t eat:

1. ‘junk food’
2. meat
3. the yolk of an egg
4. bread, more than once a week
5. sugar
6. caffeine
7. salt

like I said, breakfast is at 8:30, then we get ready for the day and go out. we walk from 10 am till 9, 9:30 pm. then my grandfather finds their car and we go home. we walk all day, every day. no lie. 

I wasn’t lazy before I came here. I swam almost every day, (excluding red week) I did go for a walk every. single. day. I had no car and the nearest thing was a mile away. the grocery store was 4 miles away. I went all the time. there and back – carrying the groceries to. an uber, a lyft, a bus ride, and especially finding a free ride was a rare thing. I just can’t imagine doing all that if you do have a car.

I’m 5′2, when I got here I weighed 123 pounds. my grandparents think that’s ‘fat’ and I’m losing weight because of it. before, I’d wanted to gain 7 pounds and now I’m loosing what I need. I’m exhausted, I’m sore and I’m on my period. my grandmother (who was so nice over the phone and in her emails) gives me one pill a day and 15 minutes with her heating pad. she doesn’t want this pain to, and I quote, “dominate me.” I exercise every day but it doesn’t seem to help my awful cramps. I’ve heard it’s supposed to, but I only feel worse.

they’re not abusive – to me at least – but I want to go home. more than that, I should go home. like, now, if I had my way. my grandmother recently told me that she’s, “Heard of gay people but wouldn’t want one in her family.” I’m a lesbian. I’m a closeted lesbian. I think she knows. 

my grandparents are bigots. I know what they’re really like now; I’ve heard what they have to say about black people, gay people, Jewish people, trans people. the more I argue, the longer I seem to stay. 

my mother won’t get me home, she wants to wait till 9/28. I feel like I’ve been bold-faced lied to and lured here, in a foreign country, away from my friends and girlfriend. to lose weight. to find god. to a finishing school. to pretend to be straight. 

and I have no way home. I don’t have enough money for a flight home. my family isn’t helping, my friends can’t help, and I’m stranded here alone. please, donate like a dollar. actually, reblog this post instead of just liking it. you could cross-post it, idc. 

my cash.me

my paypal

I wanna go home. I miss my girlfriend, I miss my friends, I miss my 2 cats. I have paperwork and responsibilities waiting for me. I can’t keep my landlord waiting. I never should’ve come here without backup.

jellyfishdirigible:

mckitterick:

sweaterkittensahoy:

bogleech:

asafruca:

yelnatszeroni:

frogmp3:

buckakke:

john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be

he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen

the bar is at the earth’s core 

literally fuck you to hell tumblr

This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while

John Mulaney’s entire thing about his wife (and when she was his girlfriend) is about undoing the toxic horseshit that male comedians have done in talking shit about their wives for so fucking long. When he first mentions her, he says about his Jewish girlfriend “this is gonna get playfully antisemitic,” except it doesn’t [note: I am not Jewish, and I am aware that shades my perceptions]. He talks about how she’s forthright and helps him be better at standing up for himself because he’s really fucking bad at confrontation and she is very good at pointing out that he shouldn’t have to wait an hour for food at a restaurant or be stranded at an airport. The parts of her nature that would be derided for being “so Jewish” by other comedians are some of the reasons John loves her. She doesn’t take shit, and he realizes that he doesn’t have to. 

When he mentions her in the latest special, he mentions the conversation quoted above before he dives in. HE IS AWARE HOW LOW THE BAR IS. And what are his stories? There’s no nagging wife. There’s no stories of her not getting how manly he is. The jokes are about what a fucking dork he is and how her responses are in line with WHAT A FUCKING DORK HE IS. He ADORES her because she doesn’t give a fuck, and he is aware he gives entirely too many fucks. 

And when he finally DOES tell a story about her messing something up, it’s a hilarious misunderstanding about the Last Supper that John finds fucking hilarious because he was raised Catholic, so the Last Supper is a BIG DEAL, and she’s Jewish, so it wasn’t on her radar. The story is hilarious because it’s about a very cute and funny misunderstanding based on different backgrounds. It’s not about “finally” one-upping that bitch he married. It’s about being DELIGHTED to find out that bitch he likes so much has a fucking hilarious take on the Last Supper. 

Bring me WAY MORE male comedians like John Mulaney, and this bitch will be happy.

Plus, if you compare his recent versus early shows, you can watch him come to awareness about the toxic masculinity inherent in old-school standup and grow as a comedian into someone much funnier at the same time. Kudos.

tanoraqui:

jasper-rolls:

every time i fuck up plugging in the USB to charge my iphone and scratch it against the underside of the phone i think about that scene at the start of sherlock where sherlock assumes that john watson’s sister is an alcoholic because of the scratches around the charging port of the iphone she gave to him as a gift and i think to myself “man sherlock is a fucking idiot”

#god if I could meet Sherlock holmes I would have a field day preparing my Look to throw him off #watch
me wear an engagement ring for a week before hand and take it off and
wear one of my mom’s blouses that has the shoulder all crunched #from years of violin playing and a pair of brand new matching socks and carry a brand new copy of a book i’ve read 20 times #and spill some coffee on my shoes and cuddle my neighbor’s cats so i have different cat fur on me #my dream is to throw off a sherlock holmes type with pure petty bs

jumpingjacktrash:

trash-slut:

frozenoj:

trash-slut:

USB Ports: My phone never dies now and it doesn’t even noticeably drain my battery

Seat Warmers: just some cheap usb heating pads i got off ebay. because i’m not moving, i get cold really easily. this keeps me nice and toasty

Cane Holder: just a piece of pvc pipe i zip tied to my chair and some velcro to stop it rattling

Side Bag: this is made for a pram but its sooooo useful! the big pocket has three sections which can hold drinks, phones, whatever, and the little pocket unzips and i keep loose change in it

Legrest Holder: This bit of velcro holds my leg rests out of the way so i can get closer to a table. i normally sit cross-legged when im not moving. Also i coated the legs in rubber paint. i bang into things a lot and also its purple and pretty

Umbrella Holder: this is where my umbrella sits when i’m not using it
-and-
Drink Holder: This holds my drink bottle. its also made for prams but its great to have easy access to water.
-and-

Bag Holder: Also from the pram section, i have these little clips on my handles that hold plastic bags. i can carry a whole cart worth of shopping on these

Umbrella Stand: this is a microphone stand, velcro and zip ties. it all folds away neatly but it will (hopefully) keep me dry without costing me my only free hand 

Feel free to reply or message me if you are looking at modifying your chair and want some tips!

This is awesome! I feel like a lot of this stuff should just… come with the chair, though. Or there should at least be options you can buy [like the pram (aka stroller for us Yanks) stuff] instead of having to Macgyver an umbrella stand yourself.

These things should absolutely come as part of the chair. Design for disability is some of the most stagnant design i have ever seen. Its something that needs to change, but until it does, i’m gonna keep making my own mods 

this is boss

swarnpert:

birdfriender:

I love that one of the restrictions on name changes in the UK is that your name cannot “promote criminal activities” and fucking hell every name I can think of that violates that is just stellar honestly like fucking hello nice to meet you my name is Commit Arson, I’d like you to meet my daughter Dont Pay Taxes and my son Steal From Work

this is my son, rob