Upon seeing a post about journaling, I remembered something.
A few years ago the whole fam went on a summer trip to Italy and France. While we were there, someone did their best to write every single day in a journal. At the end of the day, they would sit down and write about two pages, and draw something. Usually they would just recount what had happened that day and make a silly sketch of a memorable moment. I remember them staring at the page one day in France, reminding themself that they had to have a doodle every day, even if it wasn’t fancy. I remember that even when they or we were exhausted and it was two AM, they still got up to write before sleeping.
Who the fuck was that? I need to get that journal (we still have it because it was an absolutely lovely leather bound one from barnes and noble) and read it. Maybe someone will remember, maybe we’ll recognize the handwriting, I don’t know. There were some poignant moments in France, maybe we’ll remember something or even meet someone.
Okay I’m gonna chronicle this as I read it (the journal).
Day 1: HORRIBLE HANDWRITING, my god. The person is sarcastic as fuck. We read their voice as very similar to one our body’s voice can accomplish, but not one we speak in often. Not sure who it belongs to. The person refers to bodymother as “mom” (rare, for us), and specifically notes that there are strange amounts of handsome Korean men in Paris, that it is unpleasantly warm, and that periods are stupid. They sign off as “Red”
Day 2: This one actually has a lot to unpack. Firstly, this person uses a lot of odd slang we don’t normally use, even when speaking. They enjoyed looking at “historical stuff” at a museum and I remember them/us being disgruntled that they/we couldn’t spend more time on certain exhibits. They reference “Ideas for [their] designs.” They mentioned watching the shows Bones and Fringe.They’re clearly in a worse mood in this entry, their writing is very dismissive and terse. They seemed to be in the crashing stage of a relationship we had just gotten out of and lament about missing the ex and seeing a cute boy who looked like him. They mention that they dreamed of joining a pack of wolves the previous night, and that they find French easy to interpret despite not being able to speak it.
Day 3: I have half a mind to say this person is either dyslexic, or just really really bad at spelling. Dyslexia would explain the handwriting, for one. They mention seeing several landmarks in a very unconcerned way, the majority of this entry seems to be about a story they’re writing. They mention pitying bodymother, and then go one to explain an idea they had for a story, where the main character is also named Red.
Day 4: This entry starts with the catacombs of Paris. The person mentions that they had a strange moment when entering the catacombs via a tall spiral staircase. I’m not sure if it’s a dissociative moment or not. The person gets very poetic about the catacombs; they describe the scent and flavor of the air, the illumination, the “plink” of falling water drops, and “the weight of a hundred unseen observers.” This vaguely makes me think they could be Clair, or related to Clair, since Clair is our medium who named a shade after the smell of the catacombs later on. After the catacombs they mention flirting with another tourist family (odd behavior, for us), and their language again becomes poetic in the last few paragraphs where they describe the “cold and green” water of a fountain near the Eiffel Tower, and how inspiring the catacombs where. They reference in a drawing that their color is black.
Day 5: The person describes a dead snake and plants they recognize growing through the sidewalk– wood sorrel and nightshade. They reference an Irish pub with “great music,” which I believe was old school Green Day or something. They appear to have been interesting in guitar (although I’m pretty sure this is before we ever took lessons) and mention learning part of a Hinder song on a guitar they had on hand. I’m certain I know where to find more music to their taste. The last page of this entry is pathetic interesting. They mention that the ex wont get out of their head or their dreams. They say that they “could have controlled myself” and that they were “such a bitch.” I’m not entirely sure what they’re talking about, here. I messaged the ex, asking if he still has messages from back then, cause we sure don’t. If he has any he’s the type of person to respond and send them to us. I guess we’ll see.
Day 6: They describe getting some makeup, and are please with the red/brown color scheme. They also describe in detail a fountain they saw which was influence by Greek mythology; they identified Athena, Hephaestos, Demeter, and Midas, and wondered who the cherubs holding the Muse’s and Hermes’ symbols where, as well as a boy riding a fish. They mention being impressed by the sculptures of hippocampi. The drawing page has the first depiction of a version of themself; feminine in form, wearing tight clothes. They also have an enormous sketch of a pineapple, titled “PINEAPPLE” in huge letters. They mention having a dream in which they used a magic incantation which they still remembered upon waking (wHY DIDN’T THEY WRITE IT DOWN GOD DAMNIT) and a loos of reality for a second upon waking.
Day 7: Holy fuck where did this person get their words. “….the sand like brown sugar before the larimar ocean,…” what the fuck. Larimar is a rock, by the way, which looks like this:
They mention finding a small green crab at the beach. Upon leaving the beach they “ate at McDonalds (Iknowiknowiknow shut up)”. They mention taking a nap. They reference a second reality slip, still feeling an injury from their dream upon waking. Are they related to The Dreamer, maybe?
Day 8: This person is hilarious and odd. They mention not liking the quiet, because “[their] thoughts began to return”, and that they enjoyed the chattering company of one of our quasi-brothers. They also call bats “tiny and fluffy and cute.” They say they’ve been feeling depleted and seem to have an unusual work ethic compared to the rest of us slackers. They seem to be very depressed about…….. I’m just now realizing this may have been prior to the breakup……… but they end the entry with, “France seems to be agreeing with my abs for some reason.” Weirdo.
Day 9: The first of August, which tends to be a rather auspicious month for us. Why does everything always happen in July/August? Anyways. WHO ARE THEY. The fucking entry starts with, “We started off the day with a wine tour. It was in French, and I didn’t give a fuck about Cabernet Sauvignon, but there were a buttload of lizards that I could chase so it was fine.” Who—- They don’t understand French, they don’t give a fuck about Cabernet Sauvignon and they like chasing lizards???? (Yoongi???????????) I’m. Anyways. I’m so fucking confused. They mention meeting a dog named Bottles (I remember that dog, it liked bottles), and nearly falling asleep on a boat tour only to be woken up, “Grrr.” hhhhh. They say thunder and lightning is awesome (I whole-heartedly agree fuck yeah) and apparently like Dijon mustard potatoes with steak. They mention “fangirling” about their shows (whichever those are) with the quasi-brother, say that they’re not holding together too well, and sign off. Their drawing is a depiction of themself, this time not discernibly gendered in a sweatshirt and jeans, sitting out in the storm and crying. They also have a sketch of the dog Bottles, holding a bottle in it’s mouth.
Day 10: I……….. I don’t even……… I’m. *shakes head, bewildered* This one starts off by describing a girl they were flirting with at the water park. She was tomboyish with short dark hair, whereas the previous writer seemed to prefer blondes. They say they didn’t speak to her, “of course,” but traded glances with her from afar. Who the fuck of us flirts with girls. I’m so. Just. They mention that sunsets are lonely alone, and that they worked on a vampire theory with the bodyfather and quasi-brother that “could get us killed by any religious fanatics.” I don’t know who this sarcastic motherfucker is but they’re funny as hell.
Day 11: This one is interesting. They start off by saying they don’t really remember the day or where they went. They had lavender ice cream (we now permanently love flower-flavored ice creams) and checked out a medieval village with a “really stinky church.” They mention finishing a book on Wicca that they wanted to read again with more depth. They also mention that they think the kids they were staying with thought they were a douche and that kids hate them. Socially awkward much? Me too buddy me too. I’m so confused by this though. They mention another ex, and how the one who’d been depressing them would have broken the ice if he’d been there. One drawing is of the again androgynous self depiction flipping off the viewer, with the caption “Enjoying a Party”. The other one is a sickening, disgusting flowchart and love heart about the ex who I guess was not an ex, just yet. I guess that’s a spoiler whoops. It’s worth noting both chart and heart use the body’s birthname.
Day 12: This one uses “Twas” twice in the first fucking paragraph. My god. They mention being “classic antisocial me” and some girl who I can’t remember ever having met in our entire life. This person seems to be a bit of a makeup artist; they turned our quasi-brother into a quasi-sister and describe his new look in detail, as well as how cute he was. (don’t worry, he has a history of cross-dressing at school and seems very okay with being a girl sometimes except that his mother scares him. So they didn’t like forcibly makeover him or anything.) They mention their “signature” makeup look, an “olive smokey eye with deep red shadow” and I have no fucking clue what that could possibly mean. Their drawing shows a macguyvered piece of jewelry they made.
Day 13: I’m. What the. I. adsfghjkl. hhhhhhhhhhh okay. They talk about Corsonne, but very very little, which surprises me because I could have fucking lived at Corsonne are you kidding me. Anyways. They call the bodyfather “Daddy” (wh???) and reference seeing some “sweet Jesus mosaics” at an old church. Who. I. dfh. They mention finishing reading Divergent (WE STILL READ BACK THEN???!?!?) and that the faction quiz sorted them Dauntless. They also say that “mom” mocked them for their result, saying they tried to get that one because they “think [they’re] invincible and […] know everything.” They defend the ideals of Dauntless and say that “mom” could never be in that faction. There’s a PS in a slightly different hand about seeing our best friend’s doppelganger at Corsonne. I am very confused about everything.
Day 14: The first day in Italy. Disgusting notes about the not-yet-ex. Ugh. Also commentary on our parents’ relationship and very little about the actual trip.
Day 15: This entry is short. It talks mostly about food and the drawings are clearly uninspired.
Day 16: The first paragraph is a poem in an italicized script VERY different from any of our usuals. The paragraph after it, describing how the poem came in a dream, even notes just how different the handwriting is. The handwriting in this entry is larger, cleaner, and more flowing than the ones previous, and the person uses bigger and more archaic words. One of the sketches features a very cute style that I’m positive belongs to a specific person.
Day 17: This is another short entry, although maybe “concise” is a better word. They describe the day very quickly, mention practicing blowing bubble rings in the pool, and lament about wifi. The drawings are basic and unengaging.
Day 18: They….. They fucking use the word “henceforth”. I can’t even. They talk about cats, minecraft, and the not-yet-ex, and the drawings are very clearly in Harbor’s style although the writing is not.
Day 19: This entry mentions how the leaning tower of Pisa is smaller in person (eheheheheh) and how much they miss not-yet-ex. the drawings are cute.
Day 20: The bad handwriting is staring to return, as are the typos. This person seems to thing that doing six things back to back all day signifies doing “an abundance of nothing.” ………. They also mention they like beans. Okay weirdo-McGee. The drawings are back to being a much better standard. Both are comedic, one about “heavenly gelato” and one in a Calvin and Hobbes style about being a tyrannical minecraft god.
Day 21: Another poetic intro, and the person mentions being homesick due to the rain. (I miss the fucking rain, jesus.) this entry and the drawings are a little weird because I feel kinda deja-vu-y reading/looking at them. I think Harbor was around for these ones, and since she’s closer to front than some I can feel her echoes from being there.
Day 22: The writing is nothing noteworthy, but the drawing again has a very feminine self-depiction and what appears to be a comic about one of our kids fronting. Confusing. This one also mentions “finally” feeling rested after a nap and another session of waking up confused and disoriented.
Day 23: Wow I’m starting to dissociate. Okay. Um. This entry covers cinqueterra, a fluffy dog that was basically a cotton ball on a leash, a street performer doing a cover of a cover of Nine Inch Nails, and badly bleeding ear piercings. I don’t know how the fuck our ears are still pierced with all the fucking hell they went through, jesus.
Day 24: This entry starts with nearly a full page recounting nightmares from the previous night. Abandonment by the family, starvation by the family, attack by an unkillable animal, being forced onstage in a competition before being taught the choreography, and two about being in a position of great responsibility and/or authority where my job (and/or life) was compromised by someone else’s mistakes. Interesting, I’d say. The only one that doesn’t make sense is the attack animal. There’s an extremely detailed drawing of “me” as some sort of chimera– part human, part komodo dragon, part bat, part chinchilla.
Day 25: This one is about Venice. The person either has a fucking great memory or this was a moment of teamwork, because while in Venice they counted 58 fake redheads and 63 fake blondes before losing count. Lots of dyed hair in Venice apparently. They mention eating tiny, whole friend fish, and also describe how they could only stand being nice because doing so put them in physical pain. They could only stand generosity because it physically injured them to do so. I’m too tired and dissociated to even comment on that. The “drawing’ for this one is just mocking how bad their own handwriting is.
Day 26: This one starts with recounting dreams. They woke up a war veteran, responsible for getting their whole team, two double agents, and a civilian child killed. They mention that on the Isle of Burano, there were a lot of cats. I believe there’s a segment influenced by Peanut, here, where they talk about buying “the most HAPPY-MAKING GLASS THINGY JIGGER EVER.”, a small marble with a tiny glass goldfish inside. They also mention having an immaculate internal compass for finding bathrooms. The drawing depicts the goldfish marble.
Day 27: ……………. … …. Okay……… The masochist is still writing in this one, their voice vaguely familiar. They describe the beginning of the break up with the soon-to-be-ex. There’s a PS in a whispy hand which reads, “Woke up crying this morning. Pain.” and I don’t know what that was about. There’s also a PPS in a third hand which is just pure nonsense. The drawings are unskilled.
Day 28: This is the last entry, on August 20th. It describes a flash thunderstorm, the first instance of us learning not to trust a thing out of our mother’s mouth, and a cute lesbian couple at the airport. It says “more tomorrow” at the sign off, like all the other entries, but there isn’t another entry. There’s also no drawing for that day.
The back of the journal is mostly empty. There are story building things in about five different handwritings, and in the very back is a blank postcard of a fluffy black cat with postage stamps from Rome.
I’m dissociated as fuck and swimming in my own brain. I’ll analyze this later.
The Chaos Bitches 