When Stan Lee dies, all the Marvel movie characters should mention they have funerals to attend for their postman/doorman/friend/stripclub DJ and then be very confused when they all show up at the same one.
ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that
Suggestions:
Black cards-
• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________
• Canceling plans is like ________
• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____
• You have the moral backbone of a _______
• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die
White Cards-
• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat
• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation
• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best
• one black coffee
• STREET SMARTS
• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken
• Delta Airlines
• the one thing they can’t replace
• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery
• a sea of drunk toddlers
• a pre- y2k asshole
• Xanax
Do my friends hate me? Or do I just needwhat’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat
Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.
THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
When the gays started wearing rompers all of a sudden I was like “…y’all just got on short work-coveralls, I been wearing them since forever.”
My dad always had me with him going on jobs, crawling under houses to fix plumbing, up in attics running electrical wiring, and we wore coveralls. You put em on over your clothes and then take them off before you get back in the truck so you don’t get everything dirty. Now I just wear them because they’re cheap and comfortable and picking out one piece of clothing is easier than picking out two.
These are Dickies from K-Mart and I was really feeling myself.
When I was little, my parents’ friends nicknamed me The Professor because I always had a book whatever we went (since I was grumpy all the time and didn’t like playing with their kids).
I feel very Halls Of Higher Learning today, so if y’all saw me walking around campus, whatchu think I teach?
I got this dress on Amazon awhile back, and it looked nothing like the picture. However! It’s warm and has pockets, so I kept it, even if it’s a little bit ugly. Nothing is THAT ugly if it’s cheap enough though.
Hair was brought to you by My Edges Look Bad So I Threw A Scarf On My Head.
I was dating this guy years ago when his grandma died. When the family was packing up her stuff, he found all this yarn and asked if I wanted it. I said sure and got this massive collection of super bright (and really soft) colors, and this infinity scarf was the first thing I made from it.
You can barely see the sweater, but it’s a Gap Women’s cardigan from 2008 that’s good for layering in the office. Also, I pretty much wear the same thing in winter as I do in summer but with an extra layer or two – I have on sweats under my harem pants because they’re paper thin.
Another Forbidden Texture: those frosted, semi-translucent colorful plastic cups with the grainy surface texture.
Absolute hell. The fact that I lack a long proboscis after being served fluids in cups like these when visiting other people’s houses disproves Lamarckism.
Oh shit, and special acknowledgement of those microfiber towels meant for cleaning windows and glasses. Horrific.
The Chaos Bitches 