I saw this post on my dash which contains this image:
And my brain initially accepted it because Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep are the first recorded gay couple in history. No issues there. I continued scrolling past.
Then my brain went “hang on a minute, go back a second” and so I scrolled back up and looked at the text more closely. In particular, the ‘translation’ of the names of Niankhamun and Khnumhotep. At this point I know it’s my Egyptological training showing, but in my head I translate Egyptian names as I read them and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that those names do not translate the way this post says they do.
For starters, the parents of both of them would have had to have the absolute amazing foresight of the parents of the main character in an anime to give them a name that would manifest in their gay destiny.
Both names also contain the name of a god: the creator god, god of the source of the Nile; Khnum.
Khnumhotep is easy to translate. We already have Khnum, so what does the other part mean? Htp (pronounced ‘hotep’) means ‘peace’ ‘satisfaction’ or ’offering’ so Khnumhotep means ‘Khnum is satisfied’
If you’re wondering about the glyphs here’s Khnumhotep:
Niankhkhnum is a little tricker, but we have ‘Khnum’ so what about the other parts? The ‘ni’ is an anglicisation of the preposition ‘n’ meaning ‘of’ ‘for’ or ‘belonging to’ and ankh in this context means ‘life’. So, Niankhkhnum means ‘Life belonging to Khnum’.
Here are the hieroglyphs:
(And just in case you’re wondering: the pot in the names stands for Xnm (khnum) and is a representation of the god. It looks weird, but in Egyptian mythology Khnum was said to create mankind on his potters wheel from the fertile Nile silt…of which he was also god of. So he’s represented by a piece of pottery.)
So, no, the names do not mean ‘joined in life and death’. However their titles include m-r jr ant pr aA
‘Overseer of Those Who Do Fingernails’ (which is the literal translation but we idiomise as Manicurists), which I love to bits. They’re also both
Hrj sStA “guardian of secrets” for the King Nisurre Ini, and have the title
mHnk nswt “confidant of the king” and wab nswt “one who purifies the king.” (a personal priest to the king).
In short, these two gay men loved each other so much they were buried with one another, and also were personal attendants to the king, meaning they were extremely close to him personally too. Nisurre must have thought well of them too because they were allowed to write all about the good deeds they performed for him in their tomb. In the Old Kingdom you needed the King’s favour and permission to build a tomb like they have, and also to write what they did. These two were extremely well respected in their time, and that’s very important.
I’d recommend this link to learn more about them (but you’ll have to ignore the stuff where the author insists they’re brothers because that’s very out of date now. The ‘but they can’t be gay, they have wives and children!’ doesn’t really hold much weight these days, and I’d like to see how you explain away the ‘kissing noses’ and the fact that ‘brother’ doesn’t always mean brother in Egypt (they’ve got like 6 words for family – not even a word for uncle))
In short, Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep are thought to be the first recorded gay couple in history, but their names don’t mean what is said in the image, and I feel it is a disservice to them to romanticise and misrepresent them by saying that they have this fanciful meaning.
I can’t reblog without these tags? These are an integral part of the post.
Everyone in Peter’s class gets super hyped when they see Spider-Man on the news the day before an exam because that teacher will just coincidentally forget every copy of the test at home, what a shame, guess you all have one more night to study oh well,,,,,, if any of you were doing important things yesterday it’s real lucky you get this extra time to prepare,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Flash also doesn’t know and still constantly attempts to rag on peter and nobody supports him in it cuz they know why Peter is the way he is.
The more I listen to his music the more I am convinced hozier’s oft-referenced baby is a necromancer
so to start this theory, she’s obv some kind of supernatural being:
in the lyrics in “from eden”, Babe, there’s something tragic about you // Something so magic about you
in “nfwmb”, the whole song is about how she’s not even phased by the apocalypse, “When I first saw you // The end was soon //To Bethlehem // It slouched and then //
Must’ve caught a good look at you“
i hesitate to put too fine a point on it with “the angel of small death and the codeine scene”, but i’m also thinking small death refers to the euphemistic “la petit mort”, french for orgasm, and therefore she’s not actually an angel of death, but feel free to interpret that differently
to go on, he keeps referencing how she dug him up out of the ground:
in the song ‘shrike’, And I had no idea on what ground I was found in”, and a bit later he mentions being reborn “Remember me love, when I’m reborn”
in “nfwmb”, “
Ain’t it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves?
”
then again in “like real people do” (which begs the question, is one of them not a real person? hozier are you some kind of undead?) : I had a thought, dear // However scary // About that night //The bugs and the dirt // Why were you digging? // What did you bury // Before those hands pulled me // From the earth?
so not only is she a necromancer, he’s like a zombie or something.
and for some extra crack theory perhaps she is not a necromancer but a vampire and he’s her ghoul, from shrike
“Bites on above // But never would form // Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn “ hmmmmmmmmmm
more straightforward, “ I was hatched by your warmth /And I was transformed”
and like if you really want to get into the symbolism of it, “
and just from “angel of death and the codeine scene” “
Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I // Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet // Fresh from the fields, all feeder and fur tires //Bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet”
anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk
she’s a witch and also probably an archaeologist, he’s an old druid bog body that she reanimated. simple
suggestions that they are from separate time periods
“from eden”: “Honey, you’re familiar, like my mirror years ago // Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword // Innocence died screaming” suggesting these ideas that used to be commonplace aren’t any longer, but that she is familiar to him in some way
“foreigner’s god”: “The perfect creature rarely seen // Since some liar brought the thunder // When the land was godless and free” suggesting that he is from a time when the land, probably referring to Ireland, was pagan, which tl;dr was a long time ago, and that she is like creatures that were seen before the conversion of the land–but the “like” implies that she is not, in fact, from that godless time, but from a time that is more recent
“foreigner’s god”: “I’ve no language left to say it” and “All that I’ve been taught // And every word I’ve got // Is foreign to me” could suggest quite literally that the language he used in life is no longer in use
“foreigner’s god”: “Screaming the name // Of a foreigner’s God” perhaps a suggestion that she has used old magic, or magic not of her time or place, to reanimate him. it at least suggests that she has meddled in, or done research on, other cultures, and feels invested in them to the point that she would appeal to them in times of struggle or grief
suggestions that there is something unnatural about their relationship, specifically that he is bound to her
“from eden”: “Babe, there’s something wretched about this // Something so precious about this … // Oh, what a sin” suggesting that their relationship, which wonderful, is also wrong, perhaps specifically from the point of view of the church (as suggested by sin), which would suggest some form of witchcraft or paganism
“movement”: “And when you move, I’m moved” the wording of this suggests not only that he is tied to her, but that he is tied by some force that “moves him”–he does not move himself. this suggests that some sort of magic or higher power is involved
“movement”: “Honey, you, you’re Atlas in his sleepin’” suggesting that even when sleeping, even when not trying, she is the thing that keeps his world going
suggestions that tie him to being undead, but bog bodies specifically
“from eden”: “A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree” which could be generic, but people sacrificed and preserved in bogs were often hung and then slit by the throat before being thrown into the earth
“sedated”: “Something isn’t right, babe // I keep catching little words but the meaning’s thin // I’m somewhere outside my life, babe // I keep scratching but somehow I can’t get in” a lot of mythology surrounding reanimation suggests that those who return are never fully back, never fully alive again
“like real people do”: “Why were you digging // What did you bury // Before those hands pulled me from the earth?” this suggests she was digging–either she buried something, or maybe she was already digging something up. also might be connected to the “empty crib” in “work song”. anyhow, hozier explained that this song used bog bodies as a metaphor at a concert in 2014 so…. yeah ok “metaphor” mhm
“it will come back”: “Don’t give it a hand, offer it a soul // Honey, make this easy // Leave it to the land, this is what it knows // Honey, that’s how it sleeps” this song is about how he’d rather cut the ties than keep coming back, fed with crumbs–perhaps a rumination on the “wrongness” of their relationship–“Don’t let it in with with no intention to keep it // Jesus Christ, don’t be kind to it”, musing about how difficult this has made things for him, how this has disturbed his sleep, how it is “unnatural”, perhaps also suggesting how dependant, he is on her–perhaps his very existence is tied to her will
“run”: “Like how she twisted the bog man // After she married him” the bog man. he’s not even trying to hide anymore smh
“run”: “He still shatters always on her earth // The cause of every tear she’d ever weep // Rushing to shore to meet her // Foaming with loneliness” these lyrics suggest two things: they are drawn together just as they are drawn apart, perhaps due to his status as half-living. it also suggests a connection to water as well as earth, which are the elements that mix to create the bog environment
The entirety of In A Week is about them being buried in the winter and as the weather warms up their bodies become visible for the animals to feast on them.
A thousand teeth//And yours among them, I know//Our hungers appeased//Our heartbeats becoming slow
And
We lay here for years or for hours//Your hand in my hand//So still and discreet//So long we become the flowers///We’d feed well the land//And worry the sheep
but also jackie and wilson!!!!!
every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside
What was it he did? I cant miss an opportunity to drag Ross
So! First! He made out with Rachel while he was still dating Julie
THEN, he couldn’t decide which one he wanted to date more, so he kept dating Julie and didn’t tell Rachel anything about his decision after they had kissed
THEN he made a pros and cons list to decide whether or not to dump Julie so he could date Rachel and he wrote shit like: Too ditzy, too spoiled, too into her looks, not much in common since she’s just a waitress, and she has fat ankles
THEN, after he finally decided to dump Julie and be with Rachel, he tried to hide the list from her but she found it anyway and got rightfully pissed off
THEN he tried to make all sorts of excuses for the list without actually apologizing
THEN he ignored Rachel’s choice to be alone by CLIMBING UP THE SIDE OF THEIR BUILDING INTO THEIR FUCKING BALCONY to try and force her to listen to him read her “Pro-list”
THEN he gets his other friends to let him into the house after Rachel makes it clear that she doesn’t want to see him by going into her room
THEN Rachel tries to explain to him why she’s so hurt by the list by telling him that all the things he wrote on the list were things she actually hates about herself and it sucks he not only agrees with her but actually uses those things as reasons not to be with her
THEN he CONTINUES to try and make excuses for himself and even try to make her feel bad about being mad at him by turning the situation around by saying “If things were the other way around, there’s nothing you could write about me that would make me not want to be with you”
THEN, after Rachel makes it clear that she’s not interested in talking to him, he calls Monica and asks her to turn on the radio since he made a song request for her so he’s basically forcing Rachel to listen to him
SO IN CONCLUSION: He didn’t apologize ONE TIME for the list, he tried to manipulate Rachel into forgiving him by saying she’s overreacting, AND proceeded to ignore Rachel’s wishes for a little bit of space continuously
This has been an anti-Ross psa
After that, Rachel decided to get over that and date him, I can’t recall if it were before of after she got her dreamed job. Any way, at first she was feeling bad because she started from the bottom, she met a guy named mark who becomes friends with in her job. He is ONLY a friend, she keeps telling Ross, but he doesn’t believe her and get jealous.
SO when she finally starts having a important job, with Mark as workmate, so she has to work over-schedule sometimes. Ross feels left out, tries to buy her with presents really what a way of mark his territory and tries to spend time with her while she is too busy working, so of course she kicks him out because she is so busy Ross is only making things worse.
Later, at Rachel’s place, they have a BIG fight. She goes “i have a lot of work, i just can’t spent so much time with you anymore”, Ross goes “We don’t see each other anymore, i feel like i have no girlfriend anymore” Rachel “This IS MY DREAM JOB” Ross “AND you spent a lot of time with MARK”. Rachel can’t take Ross jealousy crap anymore and decides to take a break from each other
Ross is of course pissed off. He goes to a bar, drinks, meets a girl but at first he rejects her saying that he has a girlfriend at what she says “oh, i don’t care”. Tempted, Ross tries to make things right and calls Rachel to make amends. But she had called Mark to have someone to talk to, in a platonic way. Ross loses his mind over jealosy and goes to that girl.
He wakes up the next day with that woman in his apartment. Turns out that Rachel had been calling him to apologize and try to make up.
Ross decides to not tell Rachel anything about what happened. Instead he tries to clear the trail so she doesn’t find out. The thing is that Gunter knew, and tells Rachel
So they break up. After Ross tries to excuse himself after the excuse “I thought you were sleeping with Mark” and also, the INFAMOUS….(drumroll)
The Chaos Bitches 