“you can’t have an asian elf. elves don’t have human races”
*puts my mouth on the mic* excuse me mr. big bad dungeon’s master but i think it’s gonna be hard for you to run this campaign when you’re too busy being a shitty little bitch
why are half the comments on this post “it’s fine i guess if you can make it fit with the lORE” like dear god are ppl of color just . not real to you weirdos we don’t need a “””reason to exist””” in fiction or reality
Anyone who says X cant be this skin color doesn’t understand how skin
color even works. People are not black because they’re “African”.
They’re black because their ancestors lived in a equatorial, arid region for ten thousand years and their bodies darkened to protect their
cellular structure from solar radiation.
People are tan because their ancestors either A) lived closer to the poles but still close enough to the equator to need darker skin tones or B) they lived on a coastline and fish was a huge part of their diet.
People are light because their ancestors lived very close to the poles and did not have a large seafood diet and needed lighter skin to absorb more sunlight so they can produce the essential Vitamin D.
That’s right. Your skin tone is because of an essential need for Vitamin D. The more sunlight you get, the darker your skin gets. The less, the lighter.
So an elf can be darker skinned because every world has a fucking sun and elves need Vitamin D too.
Unless you’re a drow and then you’re just a fucked up elf.
faeries can’t lie which is why hozier said “no comment” as to whether he is one of the folk, but then in another question, said “time moves differently in the fae realm” and qualified his statement with “i’m joking,” which suspiciously falls in line with the fact that the fae are notorious for being mischievous. therefore, we can make the assumption that his statement was not a lie but also not the full truth. in this essay i will
My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”
I’m sorry?
That’s a challenge.
Oreos aquired.
I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first
But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package
She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies
And find a new hiding spot
Hehehe
They up there
Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available
Now to hide them right under her nose
She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face
Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing
Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on
I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos
Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years
🙂
Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here
You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!
Then a devious idea struck me…
I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…
And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall
If you two weren’t already married I’d beg you to marry her because you two are obviously perfect for each other and I love this post with all my heart
This guy’s dopey grin at his success at hiding oreos is exactly what I’m here for
You like that eh? Well you are going to love today’s installment
Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left
Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there
Oh, guess I should put this back up
Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.
But then I looked again. They dooooo
Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y’all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop
A strict all girls boarding school is across a river from a strict all boys boarding school.
Boys and girls are forbidden from fraternizing, but they find sneaky ways to form friendships and even date. I assume there is heavily monitored internet and phones are for emergencies only so they have to resort to more unconventional methods of communication. (Messages in bottles, a system of mirrors, writing on chalkboards and putting them in the windows ect.ect.)
Until one day a shy boy at the boys boarding school tells his best friend (and the leader of a resident well meaning boys gang) that he actually feels more like a girl.
The gang leader contacts the leader of a girl gang across the river and they begin to plan an overly elobrate heist to smuggle the shy trans girl across the river in exchange for a chill tomboy and the two will assume each other’s lives until they graduate.
Hijinks ensue as they pull a ‘Great-Esacpe’ style mission to avoid detection from the overly strict headmasters and an overly passionate team of campus security guards.
Friendships are tested, there is lots of home-alone style logic to outsmart the adults, and there is romantic tension between the leaders of the gangs as they put aside their differences to help their two friends find a place to be themselves. It is light-hearted in tone but is also over the top and everyone plays it way too serious to the point of comedy. The two kids swapping places have classic “parent trap” style hijinks pretending to be the other person and avoid detection.
Think “kids next door” + “recess” but shot like a heist movie.
Add a funny character actor as a dopey but well meaning janitor and you got a stew going.
As a parent of two young impressionable children I 100% would take them to see this movie.
pro tip: before getting serious w a man, just casually mention ur period. like, just say ‘my cramps are bad rn’ or ‘I have to go buy some pads’. his reaction is very telling of how mature and understanding he is. you don’t wanna be dating a grown ass man who gets grossed out by the word menstruation. u deserve someone who is comfortable w u and I do mean all of u. you’ll be thanking urself for doing it now and not later hun!
THIS IS REALLY INDICATIVE OF HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS. TRUST ME.
True story. Once, I dated a guy once that wouldn’t let me pay for my own pads him he has with me. He wouldn’t go out and buy them himself if I needed them though. I had to stand next to him, which defeated the whole reason for him going to buy me any. Was uncomfortable with period talk and letting me pay for things myself.
Once, I also dated a guy that wouldn’t even stand in the pads alley with him. It grossed him out. Everything about my period grossed him out and he didn’t want to touch me. Just left me alone and didn’t want to deal with any of it. Wouldn’t even stand next to me when I bought pads.
Now, the guy I’m with and going to marry, he is a whole different story. I was dying of cramps and got my period while finishing up a class. (My campus can get very bad to the point where I’m shaking in pain or unable to move) Mistakenly didn’t bring pads and texted I needed him to do me the biggest favor. Not only did he buy me pads (something he does from time to time when I need them) but he marched through campus with them not bothering to hide it and brought me Advil.
Last week, I was dying in pain and lost my hot pack when I went to visit my mother. I asked him to buy me a new one and he forgot. So, I’m in massive pain near tears and it’s past ten at night wishing I hadn’t been so stupid as to lose it. He gets dressed and goes out to get me a hot pack even when I tell him over and over that I can wait until morning and I don’t want him to go not because he needs to go to bed.
He flat out says “I love you. You asked me to get you a hot pack and I forgot. Now, you are in a lot of pain and I can’t stand to see that. So, I’m getting you the hot pack and I’ll be back soon.” Comes back with the hot pack, ice cream and a candy bar.
Not saying all men need to be this level of nice. But I am saying that bring up your period in a casual manner is a great way to see how people will treat you when you are sick, not feeling well, or just basically how they handled things.
ACTUALLY THEY DO NEED TO BE THAT LEVEL OF NICE THOUGH
You are absolutely correct, and I was a fool not to realize it sooner.
My grampa was like this. I still remember sitting in the bathroom throwing up, because hella period nausea, and him holding my hair out of my face and like … not exactly rubbing my back. Sort of patting it. Like he was trying to be comforting but wasn’t quite sure how, because a 17-year-old girl throwing up and crying and telling him this was normal was outside his wheelhouse, which, given that he was in his 70s at the time and married my grandma when she was already in menopause, is understandable. Anyway, he went and called his niece for advice. She told him to give me plain herbal tea for pain (since Advil wasn’t staying down) and put me to bed, and he did and asked if I needed anything from the store, and went out and bought me pads and extra herbal tea, and called my school and told them I was sick and he was keeping me home.
If a man born in 1929 can pull it off, boys, so can you.
Hey all you Humans are Weird writers- why haven’t any of you written about how an entire generation is still defensive over Pluto’s loss of planetary status because we all collectively packbonded with a planet.
PLUTO IS A PLANET DO NOT FUCK WITH ME.
“Human Steven.” Shrax timidly approached, mandibles nervously caressing one another.
“Yeah Shrax?” Steven looked over from his station.
“I was wondering about your home star. Records seem… inconsistent in how many planets orbit Solaris.”
“Oh, yeah, it was debated a bit back in the day, but it’s eight.”
“Fuck you Steve! There’s nine!” Frank yells from across the room.
“Pluto’s only made two and a half revolutions Frank! It’s to small and barely caught in Solaris’ gravity! It’s not a planet!”
The Chaos Bitches 