girl culture is turning around every few feet when youāre walking alone to see if someoneās following u
Learn to peep through the corner of your eye so youāre not quite so obvious when you turn.
Putting in your earphones so hopefully no random men try to talk to/harass you but not actually playing music so you can listen for footsteps/other suspicious noises behind you.
feeling like someone is following you and subtly shifting whatever object youāre holding into a better grip so you can use it as a bludgeon if the person behind you tries anything
Being fucking terrified when street lamps give you more than one shadow
iāve seen a lot of people concerned about questioning kids lately.
lots of people who were concerned that young girls might identify as nonbinary, for example, because of internalized misogyny. or young gay people who might identify as ace or aro, because of internalized homophobia.
i honestly have a lot of sympathy for people who mis-identify themselves. itās something that most of us have struggled with at least once before realizing that we arenāt straight or arenāt cis. many of us have struggled with it twice, three times, or a dozen times!
itās not fun to realize you were wrong. itās not fun to live one way, feeling wrong and lost and strange and broken, because you wrongly believed that that must be who you are.
but. mis-identification is not caused by having ātoo manyā options.
i understand this concern. i really do. I have no doubt that those examples i mentioned above do happen, very often. but itās not really any different than my experience, and i would not blame it on any other person but myself. i was a ātomboyā little girl, i was gender nonconforming, i was a trans guy, i was a bi chick, i was a gay guy.
the way i choose to identify is ultimately up to me. i went through the trials of finding my identity in the haystack like everyone else.
i care a lot about the people who mis-identify, and iād like to offer them support. this support does not mean that the groups that they mis-identified with are wrong or evil for allowing this person into their ranks. it means spreading the message that mis-identifying is okay! that itās okay to change your labels as much as you want, and to try out different identities, and to change your mind or change over time. THAT is how you support a confused, questioning person.
try to remember that for every confused gay kid who thought they were ace because they couldnāt cope with the idea that they were gay, there was also a confused little ace kid who thought they were gay because they couldnāt cope with the idea that they were just ābrokenā.
try to remember that for every young girl who has been taught to hate femininity and herself, there is also a trans or nonbinary kid who is constantly being told āno, you HAVE to be a girl. there is no other option.ā
we will make mistakes. everyone mis-labels themself. practically no one just knows themself without any effort – itās a process of self-discovery, and it is painful and complicated. and we should be helping each other.
mis-identification happens when someone doesnāt know all of the options that exist. it happens because of stereotypes, because of bigotry, because of societal pressure and peer pressure and and and.
it is too complicated to blame on one thing. and you donāt know another person better than they know themself. assuming that is dangerous.
present all of the options to someone who is questioning instead of disguising, denying, or slandering some options rather than others. knowledge is power. that questioning person should be well-equipped to think, and try, and get to know themself, without you adding even more prejudice to the list.
concern is one thing, but pushing other people to identify one way instead of another because YOU think itās right or better (or more likely!) is another thing entirely.
be careful. be kind. and support that questioning person no matter what they end up identifying as.
I have a bit of a problem with the term “wrong.” Was my initial ID as a straight cis girl wrong? Yes, because I had no say in it, it was forced on me. Were my subsequent IDs wrong?
Absolutely not. I didn’t know who I was. I still don’t, and maybe I never will. But none of the genders I cycled through were wrong, they were right and that’s why I cycled through them. Each one was more right than the last. I was become more of myself.
Saying that previous identities are wrong sort of implies to me that you didn’t exist until you found your One True ID, which is a very yucky thought. I existed, and I existed louder and louder with every new ID. My previous incarnations weren’t wrong versions of me. They were More Right.
john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because heās what Straight Culture should be
The International Phonetic Alphabet consonants found in English, with keywords and relevant parts of the mouth highlighted and colour-coded. (Source.)Ā
Pronouncing each of these in sequence is a very strange and amusing physical sensation, and I highly recommend it.
let your child be goofy and silly and make messes. teach them to clean up the messes without yelling at them. let your child be a child. not a mini adult who has to be perfect 24/7
The Chaos Bitches 