Bad idea for a Romantic Comedy The Chief of Police is married to a Mob Boss, and they have to keep “just failing” to catch each other. When one of them hits the other in a shootout, it’s followed with “Oh I’m never going to hear the end of this…”
“So how was your day at work?” “YOU FUCKING SHOT ME! THAT WAS MY DAY AT WORK!”
As we approach those 90 degree days, I want to remind my darker population that you’re not too dark for all white, yellows or oranges. It especially pops in the Summer!
Wear whatever color your heart desires 2K18. Your skin was literally made for it.
Don’t tell your daughter that when a boy is mean or rude to her it’s because he has a crush on her. Don’t teach her that abuse is a sign of love.
My mom always taught me yell or fight back. Boys would be mean and I would yell back. I would get my ass pinched and I would smack them as hard as I could.
Who alway got in trouble? Me.
They would call my mother and she always came in and lectures my teachers and threatened to sue for making her miss work and treating me poorly.
She always taught my brothers to respect women. The only fights my brothers ever got in was defending women from someone else.
The school tried to call my father once instead of my mother on us. He came in in his full preacher outfit (being a preacher and all) and gave them an entire sermon on what would Jesus day of he was called in. They decided dealing with my mom was better.
I think my favorite story of this is when some kid snapped my bra and I turned around, didn’t even think about it, and punched that little motherfucker right in the nose.
So naturally, I end up in the principal’s office, refusing to apologize.
“He shouldn’t have put his hands on me and I wouldn’t have hit him!” That’s the only thing I was saying.
These people had the unfortunate luck of catching my dad at home, instead of my mom. So he comes fucking sauntering in there, like he’s Clint fucking Eastwood in some western movie and looks at me.
“Melissa, did you punch him?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Why?”
“Because he snapped my bra strap.”
And he turns his squinty eyed glare to the principal and says, “You’re telling me my daughter is in trouble because that squirrely looking kid put his hands on her and she chose to defend herself? That’s what you are saying to me.”
“Well, sir-” The man kind of stuttered because my dad is kind of intimidating in the quiet sort of way that kind of whispers in the back of your mind that this person could be dangerous. “Melissa did make it physical.”
“No. That kid put his hands on my daughter. Are you saying my daughter cannot defend herself when some boy decides to put hands on her? Is that what you are teaching my girl?”
I didn’t get suspended that day.
*slow clap for excellent parenting*
This is the parent I want to be omg
I went to a nun school.
The nuns there were like, so rad.
It was a party organized for the end of the school year, and I was helping in the kitchen to prepare stuff with a nun and a bunch of little girls. There was one of the girls’ little brother who was there.
There was a little girl who was carrying a bowl of tomato sauce and was going outside, but the boy was just in front of her and he slammed the door in her face. She dropped the bowl on the floor and got all messy.
So what happened?
The nun went outside, took the boy by the arm, and gave him an epic speech going around the lines of: “Would you treat the Virgin Mary like that, young man?” “Nnnnno…” “Then treat every girl like she’s the Virgin Mary.” Not only the boy had to apologize to the little girl, but he also had to clean up and he was put on kitchen duty for the rest of the day.
Then another day, in catechism class (I was a in a girls’ school, mind you), the nun was there telling us: “If a guy touches you in a way you don’t like, punch him in the face. It’s not a sin against charity. On the contrary, you’re being charitable by showing him he’s sinning by impurity and you’ll save him from going to hell.”
So I was at my desk during class looking like this:
Reblogging for awesome dads and kickass nuns.
If the Catholic church were run by like 90% of the nuns I know, the world would be a much better, much cooler place.
back in second grade, i got started at a new school in a new city. i was average height for my age group and a bit on the skinny side because i was constantly running, climbing, bike riding, and generally being a little shit.
well, i got into a fight with a school bully for grabbing at the dress of the only friend i’d made (i have always been shit at making friends) tearing the collar, and then looking down her top. this kid was a good head or two taller and easily three times my weight
and a fuckin fifth grader. i sucker punched him the way my mom taught me and when he went down, i caught him in the face with a super messy knee jap that should not have landed but did. i felt pretty great about myself, no lie.
well homeboy decided to go tell a teacher, thus breaking kid recess rules, and i got pulled into the principal’s office along with him. he was blubbering and red faced because i’d bloodied his nose and his mouth and was carrying on like i’d broken something. i remember thinking he looked like an idiot and sounded worse. she went into a long speech about conflict resolution and other stuff, and then called my mom and his dad.
so they both get there and neither of them are happy about getting pulled out of work but then the principal explained what had happened. the dad didn’t say anything but my mom asked me why i’d hit him and so i told her.
the dad looked at his kid, looked at me, and back to his kid. he then looked straight at the principal and said, i fucking quote and will never forget, “I don’t think we have a problem here.”
he then refused to allow the principal to punish me for knocking the snot out of his misbehaving son and promised this would not happen again while looking straight at his kid. it is one of the best memories i have.
The guy next to me in a coffee shop is
telling his date ‘You know you girls are all liars. Well, not all, but I’d say
80%. More than half.’
‘Girls think they have power over men by using sex as a bargaining chip and they don’t.‘
Now he’s telling her about a ‘psycho’
date he had who started telling him how ‘patronizing’ he was OUT OF NOWHERE
He’s a musician but he says he couldn’t date any of the ‘sheep’ who come to his gigs.
He’s been talking about himself literally nonstop since I sat down fifteen minutes ago. The scariest thing is the girl is listening actively, leaning forward, and smiling and giggling while I’m mentally screaming ‘Run, girl, run!’
Now he’s talking about gig he did for the troops in Afghanistan and how dangerous it was. ‘I could have been shot by a sniper at any second. But I was making people human. I was keeping them from going crazy. I was playing bass and crowd-surfing on my back. We were treated like ACDC. I had a prejudice about the military but you see the armed forces for what they are. They’re good people.’
He’s finally stopped telling her about the military and has gone back to covering every detail of his career. I still know absolutely nothing about his date.
Now he’s complaining about how bad the dancers were at one of his gigs (‘pathetic, ridiculous’).
Now he’s giving her a detailed history lesson on Greco-Turkish military conflict. I swear I’m not making any of this up.
Summary of the rest of the date:
Guy’s talking continues, relentless. Girl’s responses slowly growing more and more lackluster (unnoticed). Finally Guy gets up to use the bathroom. I casually say to Girl, ‘First date?’ A few seconds later, we’re recapping every obnoxious moment, literally holding onto each other, doubled over and gasping with laughter. ‘He hasn’t stopped talking since I sat down!’ ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘I mean, it’s your choice, but I wouldn’t go on a second date with that guy.’ More peals of laughter. ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘Not that I wanted to eavesdrop, but when he said all women were liars…’ ‘I know, right? I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t want to offend him, but…’ And so on. Finally: ‘Shh, here he comes.’
We straighten up and I pretend to be working on my laptop. Guy comes back to the table and they leave together. She waves at me behind his back.
no way could i have gotten through that date
OMG
You know, I actually think that dude may have a point about 80% of girls he’s known being liars. Haven’t we all been that girl at some point, fake-smiling and faking interest in some self-obsessed douchenozzle going on about his Important Manly Self?
Being scared to tell him HONESTLY how disgusting and awful he is, since he could flip out and kill us for rejecting his ass or stalk us or any number of things many men do.
Yep. Girls do lie. For survival. Because men like him exist.
Back to business! This one is a (really) short story I had in mind and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to finish for Halloween. It’s sketchy but hey, it’s here!
I think this is necessary to post. I see a lot of people “saving” bunnies.
“*Bunnies are one of the most frequently “kidnapped” mammal species. *Mothers dig a very shallow nest in the ground that is easily uncovered when mowing or raking the yard. If you find a rabbit nest-leave it alone!! *Mother rabbits only return to the nest two or three times a day, usually before dawn and right after dusk. *To determine if they are orphaned, either place a string across the nest in a tic-tac-toe shape or circle the nest with flour. Check the nest the next day. If the string or flour is disturbed, the mother has returned. If not, take the bunnies to a rehabilitator. * A bunny that is bright eyed and 4-5 inches long is fully independent and does NOT need to be rescued! *If you find a bunny that does need to be rescued, put it in a dark, quiet location. Bunnies are a prey species and while they may look calm, they are actually very, very scared!”
Never knew this, keeping this for reference
As a student of Veterinary Medicine I can completely confirm this! Do NOT take them out of their nest unless you’re 100% sure that the mother did not come back for them after at least one day!
The Chaos Bitches 