What if instead of gilly weed Harry had showed up to the black lake challenge in muggle scuba gear like “like where’s your advanced magic now bitches? Got me a free fishing knife with this thing”
Honestly I just want an AU where Harry approached all his magical problems with muggle solutions. Nobody knows how to handle it because he’s supposed to be there learning magic but you know what, it fucking works.
Give me Harry Potter who is like fucking MacGuyver up in this shit, creating his own non-magical solutions to magical problems.
“Potter how did you get past the enchanted keys to the Sorcerer’s Stone?”
“I used a fucking net.”
“How did you get past the dragon?”
Harry shines a little red light on the wall “works on cats, why not a dragon”
“How did you get through the hedge maze?”
“Weed-b-gone, it’s like a pound. Nothing will ever grow there again”
Just a head’s up, when meat eaters say things like “I’m glad you’re not like most vegans you’re cool about it” what they really mean is “I’m glad you’re silent about animal cruelty so I can eat animals without having to think about it.”
No actually what they likely mean is “I’m glad you’re not like PETA and compare women’s bodies to beef and pork” or “I’m glad you’re not the type of asshole who blames poor people for not being able to afford healthy vegan foods instead of getting upset at the grocery chains who throw out tons and tons of perfectly good produce”
see also: “im glad youre not one of those vegans who compares the meat industry to the holocaust”. anti-semetic, sexist, racist, and classist rhetoric is unfortunately quite common among vegans and it’s disingenuous as hell to act like having an issue with that is silencing vegans.
Also “I’m glad you aren’t one of those vegans who thinks I should put my health on the line”
“I’m glad you don’t harass me over my life choices because you’re a decent fucking human being who realizes that throwing humans under the bus so you can have an ego trip is a shitty thing to do”
Also: I’m glad you’re not one of those vegans who lies about what’s in food they’re feeding me when I ask about my allergens so that I don’t have to risk literally dying
“i’m glad you’re not literally blaming global climate change on me, personally, for liking cheese while corporations dump pollution directly into the ozone by the ton because it saves them a few dollars”
“i’m glad you’re not getting on a moral high horse about animal cruelty while ignoring the human rights abuses that go into farming your vegan faves like quinoa”
Yup, that’s the point you just stay still and let it do whatever the fuck it wants that doesn’t involved you getting eaten.
REALLY FUN FACT for big cats cheetahs are fucking docile as shit
my grandfather ran a cheetah sanctuary in south africa and he’d just lie with them and sleep among them and they’d rub against him and chirp at him they’re big fucking babies
Another Fun Fact: Cheetahs are incredibly nervous animals. One of the (many) reason’s they’re going extinct is that cheetahs are so sensitive and nervous, some of them are literally too nervous to breed. Others will breed, but stress themselves out so much, they’ll lose their cubs.
So zoos with breeding programs had to figure out how to make cheetahs comfortable enough to first of all, get laid and secondly – not spazz themselves into miscarrying.
So what’d they do? They gave the cheetah’s their very own Service Dogs!
The dogs make them feel safe, protected and secure!
The Chaos Bitches 