Category: Uncategorized

prokopetz:

More dumb magic items for your D&D campaign:

  • A sword that inflicts emotional wounds
  • A hat that, when left alone with another hat, will mate and produce hybrid offspring
  • Negative gold pieces

  • A map that is the territory
  • Armour that becomes more effective the uglier the wearer
  • A living pocket-watch that never needs winding, but if you don’t feed it, it dies; it’s an obligate carnivore
  • Goggles that put censor bars over monsters of the Aberration type
  • An instructional tome in the secret language of ducks
  • A dagger that glows in the presence of one particular goblin
  • Angry shoes

artisanbloodbank:

hubblegleeflower:

twentyonelizards:

wombatking:

newtgeiszler:

jesterofthetraveler:

I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney – early 20th century

Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

this is david lynch erasure

Who are the female immortals?

Jenny Slate – Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt

Helena Bonham Carter – Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish

Lucy Liu – ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion

Bjork – 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie

Whoopie Goldberg – present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind

Tilda Swinton – found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive

rowantheexplorer:

newborndropletsofice:

thoodleoo:

do you ever read an article so bad that it makes you want to get a PhD so that you can publish a response and thinkshame the author’s opinions with authority

“thinkshame” is officially the greatest word we’ve come up with as a species.

I get the distinct impression that this level of spite is the primary thing that carries most PhD candidates all the way through their program.

piefish:

susanofficial:

nekommunism:

snowflake-owl:

williamdewey:

it says shaggy has absolutely no ambitiom whatsoever. even ghe damned dog has some sort of life goal and he wants to eat dog treats for the rest of eternity. shaggy doesnt give a Fuckk. fun Scoobe-Doo™ trivia for the whole family: shaggy is a fucking nihilist

Scooby Doo is middle aged.

anyone gonna acknowlege that scooby’s real name is canonically scoobert

scooby doo doesnt have that much time left

Norville Rogers

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

thegoldenmisfits:

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play it’s not unusual

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussyca