My hole, my fish! This is my fish in the hole! What are you doing? The audacity!.. [fox runs off, then returns] The audacity!! Why are you like this! You can’t be this fuckin shameless! Dude!! [fox jumps slightly, but doesn’t run off] Have some decency! Where are you– Who asked– Damn. [fox tries to steal the fish again] The audacity!!! How dare you? Don’t eat. Don’t eat! Don’t eat!! Off! This is my capelin! My fish, I’m telling you! My fish, my hole! [fox starts digging, the man watches quietly, then laughs] You’re quite a character. Aight, take, take it. [fox finally takes the fish] Good boy. This is for your digging trick. Good job.
The real writer experience is standing in the shower and coming up with the most authentic dialogue with perfect phrasing and raw emotion in your head, then stepping out and drying your hair, putting on some clean pajamas and opening a word document to write down all your perfect ideas only to realize everything has evaporated.
I FEEL CALLED OUT
Never lose a perfect shower line again.*
*Remember to erase promptly if you share a bathroom with anyone.
I’ve used these to outline term papers. nothing like a bath to get your brain to finally kick into gear and figure out your damn thesis
WHAT
Also these handy little guys if you prefer a notepad:
Are you kidding, shower crayons are the BEST when you share a bathroom with other people. When I was in college, we had them and we would use them to carry on philosophical debates, finish song lyrics, get life/writing advice, etc. It was so much fun and I miss it.
I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.
Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! – haha I tricked you! Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting!
Lazily exposing belly – still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well.
Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.
Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact Does not mean: I’m ignoring you Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company.
Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them Does not mean: I hate you! Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.
I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they’re so completely different behaviourally.
I love dogs too but, I’ve been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities
P.s.: people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you’re doing probably hurts them
Sitting and staring Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil and creepy. Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting and enjoy watching them. I just don’t need to blink very often!
Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you. Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it. I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!
It’s very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like they’re deceitful. They aren’t! They just AREN’T DOGS.
Pour les chats 🐈💞
Get ready for “more reasons why I fucking love cats”
Yes, the legends are true. Cats headbutt you to show their trust and affection. They also do it to show “hey look I see you as family.” Lions do it with members of their pride to say the same. It’s not just because they want food.
Cats nibbling is indeed literally cats grooming you. It’s what mom cats do to their kittens. If a cat is gently biting and/or licking you, they’re now your mom.
Meowing can simply be for the mere fact they want to say hello, want to play or be pet. Again, not just for food.
They barely meow at other cats (except for kittens, they meow at mom cat), mostly just humans. There are exceptions but overall, meowing is almost always for us.
Cats squinting/slow blinking is indeed basically the equivalent of us smiling and/or kissing.
Cats, like humans, prefer to get things without having to work for it- which isn’t very common within other animals.
Cat massages or making biscuits is because they happy! Kneading is another way of saying “hey I like this moment here I enjoy you and my life.”
Cats recognize us by smell, sound, taste, and touch. They recognize us after years as their long term memory is extremely good. This is why abused or neglected cats are so easily scared or hard to connect with. If your scent changes over the years or just in the day, your voice will them it’s really you. Also, they will only remember you if you had impact on their life. If you just existed in the same house, they obviously won’t care.
And yes, they know our patterns in the day. You notice it when it’s beneficial to them (feeding time!). They will often wait for you to come home as well.
To remember: cats think we are interesting as hell. They watch us do everything because we’re fascinating!!!
They also want you to be around when eating because they feel vulnerable. They focus on eating so they hope you protect them. They do the same for you, all the time.
CATS 😍😍😍😍
I didn’t know that about feeding and now Imma cry because my cats did this
Don’t assume malice. Assume ignorance. Life is easier, the world is kinder, and you can educate. Actual malice is pretty rare, I find.
Always remember Hanlon’s Razor–”Never assume malice when incompetence will suffice as an explanation.”
That’s said, never forget Fred Clark’s Law, either: “Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.” There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice–at which there is simply no way to become that ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.
My favorite part is the blanket wrapped around the guy in the back because it implies that this wasn’t spur of the moment when they saw the statue, they planned this out and brought a blanket with them to the museum specifically for this photo
honestly my favorite new phenomenon is the haiku bot coming in at the end of super serious posts. it’s like watching a supervillain come to a crushing defeat and then getting run over by a roomba.
The haikubot does not detect actual haiku. The artistry of haiku is that every line contains a thought or image that can be separated and still understood with the poem as a whole coming together to form a bigger idea or image.
The haikubot just detects sentences of 5-7-5 syllables and calls it a day. It’s an insult to the art form. Reading an actual haiku can be a spiritual experience.
You sound like a damn elitist bastard from the school of snobbery
you sound like a damn elitist bastard from the school of snobbery
^Haiku^bot^8. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
The Chaos Bitches 