Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.
I was having a good day. We were all having a good day.
I mean it’s kind of not, seeds aren’t analogous to sperm, hell, pollen isn’t analogous to sperm, plants don’t do dimorphic gametes like that. a better analogy would be firing a couple dozen fully-formed babies from a tshirt cannon
Happy to announce I’m offering a new fall class, “Singular ‘They’ is 700 Years Old, What Is Your Problem, OMG,” which will consist of me standing on a desk yelling at you in Middle English. (3 credit hours)
my favourite thing to do is to tell my friends about the wild things victor hugo did and see the look of shock and horror in their faces bc they only know him as the great author who wrote les mis and hunchback and not as the man who gave his fiancee a live bat in an envelope
Lately I’ve been doing this thing where when men give me shit at my job, I choose to instead speak to their wives/girlfriends/female counterpart. I had a dude today try to yell at me and I ignored him and instead spoke in a very level voice to his wife instead. He literally stomped his feet like a fucking toddler and said “stop ignoring me! I’m talking!” And his wife said “George, please use a quieter voice. You’re embarrassing me.”
You are a genius and I’m using this
Lol I learned it from my mom. She does this all the time and eventually the guy either sulks off somewhere or adjusts his behaviour and THEN she’ll address him. I did this with my friends puppies when I was training them and it works the same tbh
Whenever a married couple calls in escalated, I always address whichever one seems the most rational. 9/10 it’s the wife. Usually, the husband gets cut out of the conversation until we’re done.
Memorable quotes:
“She’s explaining it to me now and you were wrong.”
“Honey, stop talking so the nice lady can help us.”
“Why don’t you go have some coffee while Amelia and I figure this out? Hmmmm?”
“I understand it and I will explain it to you later. Let me get this taken care of.”
“I understand, sweetie, can you explain it to my husband real quick? [aside] Now, you listen to this lady and don’t interrupt!”
Calm wives in the face of their overemotional husbands are a customer service lifeline.
why are non-millennials so personally offended by everything? like if i’m still wearing my jacket indoors, it’s because i’m cold, not because i disrespect your home/your classroom !! if somebody has got your order wrong, it’s because they’re very busy and simply made a mistake, not because they’re trying to jeopardise your meal !! if somebodies phone rings during a meeting/lecture, it’s because they accidentally forgot to put it on silent, not because they want to disrupt your speech !! just calm down, sharon, not everything is about you
my personal favorite is when you yawn and they’re like “am I boring you?”
like bitch i’m running on five hours of sleep and chronic anxiety
The Chaos Bitches 