my young padawans, i have a secret to impart: when you stop trying to fit in, and just do your thing with verve and confidence, it transcends social awkwardness and becomes the new normal. when you present your ways as How Things Are and your needs as Commands, rather than begging the indulgence of their accomodation, people fall right in line.
you don’t do eye contact? gaze at the horizon like an old sailor recalling the adventures of times past. let them admire your profile.
you don’t know when to stop doing eye contact? stare into their souls.
somebody’s ‘joke’ is too plausible and they get on your case for taking it seriously? tell them to google poe’s law. tell them you’re sure they’ll be funnier next time. tell them to Git Gud.
someone’s noise level is threatening your sanity? tell them to quit that damn racket!
flickering fluorescents in your office keep making your eyes reboot? put up a beach umbrella over your cubicle. don’t say “i can’t handle the flickery lights,” say, “the flickery lights are unacceptable and i refuse to deal with them.”
take control. you deserve to be in charge of your environment and interactions as much as anyone else does. you don’t have to ask for accomodations like they’re charity. you don’t have to be a beggar. you don’t have to Make Nice. some people will dislike you for it, but so what? the world is full of people who hate us for existing, and we have the advantage that we genuinely won’t notice cheryl from accounting giving us the lemonface because we didn’t like the battery powered dancing flower on her desk that played ‘happy birthday’ every twelve minutes and fifteen seconds.
ok i think this is the last autism post for today:
Published
The Chaos Bitches 